How to help your friend or family. Every situation is unique.

• It’s important that your responses to abuse always reflect those differences. Some tips, however, are broadly applicable and can help you support a friend or a family in several different circumstances.
• Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone you think might need help (and is open to receiving your help). Center their safety in your concerns, letting them know you’re available and want to help.
• Be supportive, listen patiently, and honor their decisions. Emphasize that abuse is never their fault and that they deserve a healthy and respectful relationship. Continue to be supportive of them even if you disagree with choices that they make.
• Help your friend or roommate create a safety plan that works for their needs. Ask them how they’d like you to respond in moments of crisis, including who to contact, at what point to get help, and how—including whether or not to contact law enforcement. Create code words to indicate when they need help.
• Brainstorm plans for situations in which your friend’s or roommate’s phone, money, keys, ID, or other valuable items are lost or stolen, including ways to transfer money or seek help. Hold on to copies of their important documents in case the originals are stolen or destroyed.
• Help your friend or roommate create an emotional safety plan that includes activities you can do together. If abuse is less frequent or severe when more people are around, make additional plans to hang out or schedule group study sessions when your friend or roommate’s partner is likely to be around.
• Document any abuse as much as possible, even if it’s not visible. List dates and descriptions and keep documentation in a place hidden away from their partner(s).

Remember to look out for your safety, too.

• A few simple precautions and reminders to minimize the risk of harm while helping others.
• Always keep a charged phone with you.
• If possible, visit school counselors or medical professionals to address stress or secondary trauma.
• Use caution when getting involved, and avoid putting yourself or others in physical danger.
• Asking unrelated questions can sometimes distract or de-escalate high-stress situations; simply being present can also make the individual less inclined to abuse.
• Practice self-care. You can’t support a friend or family if you’re not taking care of yourself.

These are things I can do to encourage safety in my social life:

• I will ask my friends to keep their cell phones with them while they are with me in case we get separated and I need help.
• If possible, I will go to different malls, bars, banks, parties, grocery stores, movie theaters, dining halls, etc., than the ones my abusive partner goes to or knows about.
• I will avoid going out alone, especially at night.
• No matter where I go, I will be aware of how to leave safely in case of an emergency. I will leave if I feel uncomfortable in a situation, no matter what my friends are doing.
• If I plan on drinking, I will be sure to have a sober driver who is not my abusive partner.
• I will spend time with people who make me feel safe, supported, and good about myself.